Regrets  Take Two
by Abarai Starsha
Summary: This is my story "Regrets" from Rukia and Toshiro's perspective.  OOC / AU.  One-shot..


**AN: I strongly recommend you read "Regrets" first. Same story, different perspective… **

**Happy Valentine's!**

**I do not own Bleach, Kubo does and Viz owns what's left… **

* * *

><p>Regrets – Take Two<p>

By: Abarai Starsha

She loved him.

She had loved him for so long, maybe ever since they first met. She had always known the differences between them would keep them separated so had always tried to suppress her feelings. But when the war was over, when she got to see him again… When he told her how he felt, she dared to dream.

She gave him everything, her heart, her soul, her very being and in an instant it all fell apart.

"I have to go back, Ichigo," Rukia said with sadness and regret. She didn't want this moment to end.

"So last night meant nothing to you?" He asked her coldly.

"It meant everything to me! You don't understand, the Central 46 – "

"Fuck them! After everything that has happened, everything they've done to you…Stay with me! I…I love you, Rukia."

It broke her heart, but she couldn't defy orders, not when this would be her last mission. Not when she would give everything up, do whatever it was she had to do to be with him. But he had shut her out. He wouldn't listen to anything she tried to say. He could be so stubborn that way.

She decided maybe a little time away would be good. He would cool down, she could get her mission out of the way and come back and surprise him.

* * *

><p>"I'm what?" She asked as she dropped the glass of water she was holding. Unohana-taicho smiled her motherly smile at her.<p>

"You're pregnant."

"Bu – but how?"

"I think you know how these things happen…" she started. Rukia blushed.

"That's not…"

She smiled again. "Kurosaki is a Shinigami as well you know, so it's quite possible."

Rukia gasped as her eyes widened.

"Did I make the wrong assumption?"

"No! No, it's just that I thought no one knew…"

Again she smiled. "One would have to be blind in order to miss the way he looks at you and you at him."

Rukia jumped off the table with excitement, "I need to tell him."

"I know you have plans to stay in the living world, but I would like for you to come back and let me monitor this baby's progression. I'll be honest, Kurosaki is also part hollow and I want to make sure everything is ok."

Rukia was stunned. "Do you think there would be any danger?"

"As of now, no, but I want to keep you close so I can make sure it stays that way."

Rukia nodded.

"If I may ask, how are things with your brother?" Unohana asked gently. She had heard a few sour rumors about Rukia's decision and wanted to make sure she wasn't taking the negativity to heart.

Rukia strained a small smile. "They're ok. Nii-sama is not happy with me for wanting to quit my position, but I knew that would be coming. Renji wants me happy but I can tell, he's also not too thrilled with the idea." She thought a moment. "While Ukitake-taicho was sad to see me leave, he was happy for me. I think he was the only one who wished me luck and happiness."

Unohana nodded.

"I'll see you soon," Rukia promised as she left. Rukia didn't dwell on the disappointed faces of those she left behind, but decided she would put faith in her future, in _him._

Excitement returned as she flew through the gate. She didn't even stop for her gigai. She figured she would get it later. She wanted nothing more than to get there as quick as she could.

She thought about everything she wanted to say, everything she wanted to happen as she ran to his house. She thought about how he would react. Would he still be upset at her for leaving? Would he be happy to know she left her position to stay with him?

She reached his house and hesitated. She pushed all doubt from her mind and flew to the window.

"Ichigo!"

"Rukia! What are you doing here?"

"Ichigo…I have something I need to tell you. I…"

"Kurosaki-kun! Kurosaki-kun! It turned pink!" Inoue said as she entered his room, holding a small plastic stick. Rukia's eyes widened at the scene. Ichigo looked at her, helpless. She couldn't breathe, she couldn't move, her vision started to blur as the meaning of what was going on sunk in.

Inoue looked between Ichigo and Rukia, her smile faltering. "Hi Kuchiki-san! I guess you're going to be one of the first to know," she said as she smiled at Ichigo. "I'm pregnant!"

Rukia's heart pounded so loud, her head started to spin. She watched as Inoue laced her fingers with his. She felt like she was hit in the stomach and was going to throw up. "Excuse me," Rukia said as she quickly went through the window.

She couldn't stop the ebb of tears as they flowed; couldn't stop the feeling of helplessness as her world came crashing down. Orihime was pregnant. Ichigo was the father. Rukia was a fool.

* * *

><p>"<em>You've brought shame to this house and the Kuchiki name!" One of the elders proclaimed. <em>

"_Shame that cannot be erased!" Another continued._

"_You do not deserve to be a Kuchiki!"_

"_How disappointed Byakuya must be in you. You betrayed his kindness; you took advantage of him with this abomination you have growing inside of you!"_

"_That thing does not deserve to live and neither do you!"_

"_What do you expect from a street rat? They always fall back to their roots."_

It had been months since her return. Rukia confessed her pregnancy to Renji then her brother. Neither reacted well and while Byakuya allowed her to move back in, all other contact with him ceased. She might as well have been a ghost living in the mansion as no one talked directly to her. That did not stop them from talking about her though. Although she did her best to hide the pregnancy, she was discovered. Their tongues were sharp, their words hurtful. She heard their whispers first thing in the morning and the last thing before falling into fits of sleep at night.

Rukia was walking back to the mansion after seeing Unohana and being chastised yet again for not gaining weight. A small woman walked in front of her, not letting her pass.

"How could you?"

"Ex-excuse me?"

"How could you let this happen to yourself?"

Rukia stopped and looked at the small female Shinigami standing in front of her. She was a small blond who Rukia had seen a few times before.

"I don't understand…" Rukia started to reply.

"I looked up to you! You were one of the greatest Shinigami's ever! How could I have been so blind! You fooled everyone! You're not great! You're nothing! Nothing but a street rat looking for a new home! I guess that's how you became a Kuchiki in the first place, isn't it?"

Rukia opened her mouth to protest when she felt someone come up and stand beside her.

"Is there a problem here?" He said. His voice was cool and oozed authority. The blond's eyes grew.

"No, Hitsugaya-Taicho!" the blond responded. Toshiro ignored her and looked at Rukia.

"Kuchiki?"

With a defeated and vacant stare, Rukia met his gaze. "Everything is fine, Taicho."

"See?" The blond confirmed.

"As you were," he said as he dismissed the blond. She sneered at Rukia before walking away. Rukia started walking in the direction of the mansion. Toshiro walked with her. He wasn't oblivious to the stares, the sneers and the whispers as they passed through the walkways that led out of town. He shook his head and glance at the woman next to him. He inwardly grinned at himself for being slightly taller.

Rukia found a barrel at the end of the street and sat down. Toshiro stopped. She looked up at him questioningly.

"I assume you have business with my brother," she whispered. "Please, go ahead."

"I do not. I was going to see you home."

Rukia looked at him. "You don't need to be subjected to-"

"What I am or am not subjected to is of my own choosing, Kuchiki," he replied, slightly annoyed. "Now, if you're ready, I do need to get back to my office."

Rukia eyed him once more before standing back up. Forgetting to compensate for her huge tummy, she lost her balance. Toshiro was quick to catch her as she stumbled. Their eyes met.

"Sorry," she said as she looked away. Toshiro let her go.

"You shouldn't listen to them," he said as they started walking towards the mansion.

"I've stopped listening a long time ago, Taicho," she said. Toshiro nodded in response.

"Why?" He asked as they stood outside the main gate.

"Excuse me?"

"Why didn't you tell him?"

Rukia looked at her feet. They stood there several minutes in silence. Toshiro was beginning to regret asking. It's not like it mattered to him. He's heard so much about her situation from Matsumoto via Abarai that he just wanted to know.

"I've ruined his human life enough as it is," she said quietly as Toshiro was preparing to give up waiting. "Orihime…she…she's loved him for a while. She's human and can give him the happiness he deserves."

"What about your happiness?"

Rukia looked at him. "I don't matter, Taicho." With that, she opened the gate and went inside. Toshiro stood there perplexed.

* * *

><p>"Kuchiki-taicho fought a losing battle."<p>

"I know, the clan kicked her out. I knew they would with her being pregnant. I'm surprised anyone stuck up for her."

"I heard she was shacking up with Abarai now. I would be upset if I was Matsumoto-sama."

"Why? I heard Rukia and Renji have been friends for ages. Besides, Matsumoto is beautiful, Rukia's…flat."

"Well, I guess rats do stick together."

Matsumoto frowned as she rounded the corner and heard the conversation. Toshiro said nothing as he stood next to her. He waited for the two subordinates to notice them. When they did, they quickly snapped to attention.

"When you are finished with your assignments I want you to scrub the roof tops of all the buildings in the division."

"What?"

Toshiro's eyes narrowed. "I am also assigning you both night watches on top of your daily assignments for the rest of the month."

"But…"

"There will be no gossip in this division, is that clear?"

"Yes, sir."

Matsumoto looked at her Taicho and smiled.

* * *

><p>"Kuchiki? You don't look so good." Toshiro said his hands full of papers for the 6th division. He knew Rukia stopped by to talk to Renji every now and then. The office was deserted.<p>

"I believe Renji and my…Kuchiki-Taicho are out training," she offered. She had felt bad when she woke up this morning. Renji had snuck her into the barracks when the clan had kicked out her of the mansion. Byakuya, unable to stop the clan, allowed Rukia to stay with Abarai.

Rukia woke up with a fever and she didn't feel quite right, yet she forced herself up and about at her friend's request. But now, all she wanted to do was curl up and lay down somewhere. Yes, sleep would be good.

"Kuchiki? Kuchiki!" Toshiro yelled as he watched Rukia pass out. He caught her before she hit the floor. Instinctively, he examined her and gasped in shock when he noticed the bottom part of her kimono was saturated in blood. Without thinking, he picked her up and shunpo'd to the 4th.

* * *

><p>Isane came out of the exam room and looked at Byakuya, Renji and Toshiro who in turn, looked at her expectantly.<p>

"I'm sorry," she said.

"Rukia?" Renji asked as he stood up. "The child?" Isane shook her head.

"The baby is exerting hollow tendencies. It's…trying to feed off of Rukia-san. We're not sure…We've never seen anything like this."

"What does Unohana require?" Byakuya asked.

"I'm not sure…maybe if we had Kurosaki, or one of the Visards..." Byakuya stood.

"Urahara Kisuke?" He asked.

"Anyone with knowledge would help."

Toshiro stood up next to Byakuya, "Let's go."

* * *

><p>"You don't have to be here, Taicho," Rukia said as she knelt down in front of a small marked stone.<p>

"Abarai asked me to go with you." Rukia looked at him. Since the loss of her son a year ago, Toshiro started showing up more and more in her life. With Renji spending more time with Matsumoto, Rukia often felt like a burden to her friend. An obligation like she was to Byakuya.

She nodded in response. She traced the Kanji that spelled "Kurosaki Aki" and smiled. In spite of everything that happened, she loved her son.

"_That thing tried to kill you, Rukia! You can't be serious!" Renji exclaimed._

"_Why not? Because he was a hollow he should be treated differently? Because he had a fool for a mother and an idiot for a father means he should not have the same rights as any other soul? I don't care what you say, Renji. I don't care what anyone says. Do you think I am naïve? Do you think I don't hear the talk, the whispers? I know I am the only one, the ONLY one who loves Aki and I don't care what anyone thinks or says, I am going to the Soutaicho and I am requesting a marker for him!"_

Markers were reserved for noble souls, not abominations as was what her son was viewed as. The Kuchiki's denied her. She knew that would happen considering she was no longer a Kuchiki. She had tried to get one anyway and was forbidden.

Toshiro secretly got involved and Rukia was surprised the Soutaicho had agreed to let her have the marker to remember Aki.

"I wonder what Orihime's child looks like," she whispered. Toshiro looked at her and remained silent. "I wonder if they're happy."

"Would you be happy in knowing the answer?"

"I don't know," she answered honestly.

"Rukia… " he said with a sigh. It was one she mistook for impatience.

"Toshiro, please…Last year when everything happened…after Aki died, I promised myself that I wouldn't dwell on the past. I would become stronger and I would earn my place back as a Shinigami and I have done so. Everyone has been waiting at every turn for me to fail. I can't hold everything in. I can't be this pillar of stone all the time.

"Here, when I am with my son, I can be myself, no hiding, no masks."

Toshiro nodded. He had done the same thing after Momo had died.

"I hope, in time, you can be that same person outside of this place," he whispered.

* * *

><p>"Was that a smile, Rukia?" Toshiro asked. It had been two years since her miscarriage. They had finished training for the day.<p>

"What if it was?" She asked as she eyed him. She sheathed her sword and faced him.

"You don't do it often," he said as he secured his Zanpaktou and touched her hand.

"Neither do you!" She said and smiled wider. Toshiro responded in kind and pulled her in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around her.

"So, is that all it's going to take?"

"I'm not that easy," she retorted.

"In that case, how about dinner? There's a new place in the third district." He could feel her tense up. He put his fingers to her lips before she could say no. "You have proven yourself a hundred times over for those bastards! It's time to start living for yourself."

Rukia looked at him. Thought and gave a small nod.

"For myself," she whispered.

Dinner went better then Rukia hoped. For the first time in a long time, no one was whispering about her. It seemed they have moved on to the next scandal. She started to relax.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" Toshiro asked her as he walked her back to her barracks. No longer being a Kuchiki and now that she had a position in the 13th Division, she moved from Renji's room into one of her own.

She turned and smiled. "No, not at all…in fact, I think the – "

"Taicho!" Rukia was interrupted by a female Shinigami running towards them from the 10th Division. It was Takako, Toshiro's 8th seat.

Toshiro looked annoyed as he turned to the woman. She was an inch taller than he, mousy brown hair with big doe brown eyes. He had a small affair with her shortly after Momo died. It was one of those drunken mistakes that keep coming back to haunt you.

"What?" He asked curtly.

"I beg your pardon, Taicho," she said as she looked him over like a piece of meat at the grocers, "but I tried to find Fukutaicho-Matsumoto and couldn't. I believe she's out with Fukutaicho-Abarai…Anyway, I wanted to go over my assignment. There seems to be a mistake."

Rukia detangled her fingers from his and took a step to the side. Takako instantly filled the gap without a glance to the raven haired woman.

"I was hoping that I could talk to you about being reassigned to work your office," she said. Toshiro silently cursed.

"This isn't the time or the place, Takako. If there's a problem with your assignment, you take it up with Matsumoto in the morning."

"But I can't!" she whined. "The assignment I was given starts next shift, before she reports in the morning."

"I am not – " Rukia side stepped Takako and put her hand on Toshiro's arm.

"If you will excuse me, Taicho, I can see myself home. Thank you for your words this evening," she said. Before he could protest, she was gone.

Toshiro reassigned Takako to Hueco Mundo for the next year and a half.

* * *

><p>Rukia had reached a point in her life where she was happy again. She was a bit mad at herself for letting things take as long as they have, but she allowed herself to be happy, she allowed herself to fall in love once more. Toshiro was patient with her and never once did he push. He was there for her when everyone else turned their backs on her. Even Renji had his moments.<p>

She woke up in his bed to find him smiling at her. Feeling a little self conscious, she brought the sheet up and tucked it underneath her, covering her chest. He frowned.

"What?" She asked, innocently.

"What do you think? We spend a night together and in the morning you get all modest?" he laughed. He kissed her forehead before getting up. He finished getting dressed and paused at the door. "I know what today is. If you want me to go with you, you know I'll be there."

Rukia gave him a small smile. "I know you will thank you."

Rukia stared at the door after he left for work. Today was the four year anniversary of the death of her son. After all that time, some things were still fresh in her memory, some things she just did not want to let go. She had let go of Ichigo and her happiness with him. She had let go of her family, friends and workmates as she fought a one sided battle for herself and her son.

She had hoped Aki would fill the huge void and felt she lost everything when he died. She slowly found that she wasn't alone, she was never alone. Toshiro had taken up residence by her side and eventually, in her heart.

She smiled as she got up and got dressed. She took a chance on love and lost with Ichigo. Here she was four years later taking another chance on it with Toshiro. She took a deep breath. It was scary and exhilarating at the same time.

Rukia finished the morning out puttering around in Toshiro's place. He had an extensive library that she found fascinating. By lunch time she felt she was ready to see Aki, but didn't want to go alone. She hated to break Toshiro away from his work, but he had been there with her every year since it happened. She took a chance.

She walked the short distance to his office and opened the door.

Her world stopped. She could see the cracks as it started to break in front of her.

Takako was sitting on Toshiro's lap, straddling him. Her uniform was open, her breasts out and rubbing on Toshiro's chest. She thrusted her hips as she ground herself on top of him as she covered his mouth with her own.

Rukia stood, not for the first time in her life, frozen to the ground. Inoue flashed in front of her eyes holding the pregnancy test in her hands, excitement on her face; Ichigo standing there, looking apologetic. It was supposed to be different; it was supposed to be…

She found her feet and ran. She didn't know where to go. If he followed her, he would catch her as he was a hundred times faster. That was if he came after her. Ichigo didn't.

Ichigo…

Rukia shunpo'd to the one of the hidden gates in her division and headed towards the human world. She burst through like a bat out of hell and kept running. She didn't spare a second glance at Urahara's shop or the Kurosaki Clinic. She ran to the school yard park, to the tree she spent the most time in when she was here.

She heard thunder in the distance. Seated against the branch, she let her tears fall along with the first few drops of rain.

* * *

><p>Toshiro found the park. The rain was coming down in sheets. It was hard to see, it was hard to hear. He scanned the trees that dotted the play area and found the tallest one. He looked up and found her. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw her.<p>

"Go away, Hitsugaya-taicho." She said over the rain. He cringed. He hated it when she called him that.

"Rukia-"

"Leave!"

"No! Not until you hear what I have to say!"

"I don't care what you have to say, _Taicho_," she spat. The rain was coming down hard. He could see she was already soaked through.

"Rukia, what you saw, that wasn't..."

"I don't care!" She screamed.

"Takako came back from the mission today. I didn't know! If I remembered, I would have cleared the division!"

"You're no better than Ichigo. You're all the same. All the same!" She yelled.

"That's not fair, Kuchiki!" Fuck, he couldn't call her that anymore. He looked up. Her posture was rigid. That hit hard.

Shit.

"Rukia…"

"I said go away!" She jumped from the branch and took off. While her shunpo was impressive, it still was no match for his. He quickly caught up and grabbed her arm.

He jumped back a bit as she pulled out her Zanpaktou.

"What are you going to do?"

"Mae, Sode no Shirayuki!" she hollered as she released Shikai.

"Hey!" Toshiro yelled.

"Some no mai, Tsukishiro!" She yelled as a perfect circle of ice formed beneath their feet.

"Rukia!" Toshiro yelled. This time, he let her go and jumped out of the circle. He looked up as the ice particles started to reach up from the ground. Rukia made no move to leave the center. She stood stock still and closed her eyes as ice particles started to float around her. She looked beautiful.

"Rukia!" Toshiro yelled again, eyes wide. He shunpo'd as the ice was released and flew up into the sky, freezing everything in its path. He looked at the small woman beneath him. They were a few feet from the huge ice tower. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close. "Rukia, I'm sorry."

"No," she whispered, her eyes closed.

"I'm so, so sorry," he said as he held her tighter. He sat back on his knees, bringing her up to hers. He held her and rocked her as she finally started to cry.

Thunder boomed overhead as the rain intensified. She looked at him with her big violet eyes. Her tears mixed with rain, ran down the sides of her face. Her raven hair, plastered to her head.

"Make it stop," she whispered.

Toshiro held her, rocked her and stroked her wet hair. "I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. Behind them, the pillar collapsed and dissipated.

"It hurts," she said.

"I know," he replied.

Several yards away a tall man with orange hair looked on. He was hidden from view but saw everything. His hands fisted at his sides. It should have been him holding her. It should have been their child sleeping on the couch. It should have been…

She looked at him. His eyes were barely visible beneath his wet hair. He looked like a Saint Bernard. She was scared to trust, she was scared to believe. She knew the story behind Takako and if she were in her right mind she would know Toshiro had nothing to do with the crazy woman's actions. But she wasn't in her right mind. And Toshiro knew that.

"Did you go to his grave today?" He asked.

"No. I…I didn't want to go alone," she looked away. "Four years, you would think I could let it go."

"Why would I think that? He was your son."

"That's not how everyone else sees him," she said sadly.

"They don't matter."

She looked at him. The rain had slowed to a drizzle.

"I'm sorry," she whispered.

"You have no reason to be sorry," he said as he continued to hold her.

"I doubted you."

"Your past gave you reason to doubt."

"You don't deserve that."

"That's not for you to decide."

It had stopped raining and the moon was peeking out through the clouds.

Rukia looked at him. Ever since her miscarriage four years ago he had been by her side. When everyone turned their back to her, he was there to hold her hand.

"I don't want to go home," she said. Her home was now a small room in the 13th Division.

"You're soaked."

"So are you."

He smiled at her. "Come to my place then."

"What if _she's_ there waiting for you?"

Toshiro huffed.

"I'll reassign her to the 4th Division's sewer patrol." He watched as Rukia smiled. Toshiro stood and helped her up. He had his arm around her as he reached for Hyorinmaru to open the gate.

"Thank you," she said quietly as she stood next to him.

Toshiro turned to her, lifted her chin and kissed her softly. The gate opened and they were gone.


End file.
